How to motivate yourself the right way

In today's fast-paced society, where success is often measured by external factors such as wealth, status, and possessions, it's easy to lose sight of what truly brings us happiness and fulfillment.

In his book Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression and the Unexpected Solutions Johann Hari talks about disconnecting from meaningful values and goals.

This chapter sheds light on the two ways we motivate ourselves in life: intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation

In this blog post, I’ll talk about the insight this book has given me and explore the impact of these two motivations on our happiness.

Intrinsic Motivation: The Joy of Doing

Intrinsic motivation is when you do things purely because you enjoy them. It's about pursuing activities that resonate with our true passions and interests.

For example, I started doing puzzles recently, and I love it. It brings me joy, and I look forward to spending an hour puzzling every day.

Extrinsic Motivation: The Pursuit of Rewards

On the other hand, there’s extrinsic motivation. They're the things you do not because you want to do them but because you'll get something in return, like money, status, or an award.

Like doing sports because you want to win instead of doing it for fun.

The Surprising Truth

In Hari’s book they conducted a study that sought to answer a fundamental question: Does achieving extrinsic goals make you happy? Will a big promotion at work make me happy? And what about the intrinsic ones? Will being a better friend make me happy?

You can guess the outcome, but I was still slightly caught off guard.

People who achieve their extrinsic goals such as getting a promotion or winning that sports competition don't feel any happier than before, not even a little bit. Surprisingly, their overall happiness remains unchanged.

In contrast, the study revealed that people who achieved their intrinsic goals did become significantly happier. While they were working on becoming a better friend or making a positive impact on others, they reported a significant increase in their happiness levels.

For instance, when people actively worked on becoming better friends, not out of obligation but because they genuinely believed it was the right thing to do, they found greater satisfaction in life.

Reevaluating Our Priorities

Yet most of us spend our time chasing extrinsic goals, the very thing that will give us nothing, nada, zilch. Our whole society is set up to think this way. Get the best-paying job, get a fancy new car, and buy the biggest house.

However, Hari's book and the study they did remind us that this perspective is fundamentally flawed. External accomplishments may give us temporary satisfaction, but it doesn’t bring lasting happiness. Chasing extrinsic goals can leave us feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied in the long run.
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So please focus on doing things for fun! Whatever your goal, do it because it makes you feel good!